Deacon is on my mind today. He is such a sweet expression of God’s love and I have been touched lately each time he prays. Often we pray over our meal and then Deacon will say “Wait, I want to pray too!” then he has us all hold hands for a second time and says “Dear God, please heal Phoebe and make her good.” Last night after he prayed he leaned over to me and said “And I pray for Phoebe that she will be nice so she won’t pinch me like she did before she went to the doctors.” Silly boy! I personally would love nothing more than to see Phoebe well enough to torture him with her little pinches again, but I didn’t tell him that. So in honor of my sweet little Deaconator, I’m posting a poem I wrote about him while we were living in Mexico when he was Phoebe’s age.


I have escaped unnoticed to the trampoline.

Pride and Prejudice in hand, I slink away like a guilty thief to steal a piece of quiet.

I settle in. Ahhh…

“Mama! Are you??” I hear the sweet muffled voice inside the house.

My heart wrenches toward my small enquirer.

But no, I will give myself at least a few pages of respite.


I spy his small frame at the back door window pane.

I freeze, like stunned prey.

Maybe he won’t notice me.

b r e a t h e   s l o w l y

Make no sudden movements.

I smile despite myself as he flattens his nose against the glass.

Silly one.

He vanishes from the door.

Alone. Me and Jane Austen, Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth…

A burst of excited giggles rain down on me like tiny bubbles of sheer joy exploding in mid-air.

I have been discovered, and it is sweetness to my soul.

About Amey Fair

I am Amey Fair, wife to Nathan, and home-educating Mom to Benjamin (9), Averic (7), Deacon (4) and Phoebe (2) . Phoebe was diagnosed with a rare childhood malignant brain cancer called Atypical Teratoid Rabdoid Tumor on January 1, 2012. She had complete resection surgery to remove the tumor on January 4th and began chemotherapy using the Dana Farber protocol on January 26th. A few weeks ago I was sleeping in the chair next to Phoebe's bed in the hospital when I heard her little voice drawing me out of sleep. It was 3 am and it took me a minute to shake off the slumber. "Mommy I'm a mean girl" I thought she said. "No Phoebe, you're a nice girl!" I replied. "No Mommy, I'm a MIRACLE!" Phoebe said. "I'm a MIRACLE, I'm a MIRACLE, I'm a MIRACLE!" she continued on. My tears welled up and spilled over as she made her declaration. Phoebe doesn't know the word "miracle" nor the concept, she's only 2. It was as if the Lord was speaking through her like a prophetic utterance. She fell right back to sleep and I sat there awake, lingering in the magical moment. Less than 40 children are diagnosed with Phoebe's type of cancer in the U.S. each year. This is why it's called "ATYPICAL Teratoid Rabdoid Tumor". So, I have titled this blog in honor of Phoebe, our "Atypical Miracle". We are YWAM'ers, serving in missions through Youth With A Mission since 1998. Before returning to the states 1 year ago, we lived near Guadalajara Mexico for 3 years. It was during our year of agricultural missions training in Waco, TX that Phoebe began exhibiting symptoms from the pressure of the tumor on her brain. Weight loss, lethargy, extreme thirst and vomiting were her symptoms. We have been granted sabbatical during this time to focus on Phoebe's intensive chemotherapy treatment and are renting a home in Dallas near the Children's hospital where Phoebe is being treated. Like the woman who touched the hem of Jesus' robe in Luke chapter 8, we cling to Him, knowing that He is Phoebe's healer. If we can just touch Him, be near Him, bring Phoebe to Him each day, we have hope. He is our hope. Thank you for coming along on this journey with our family. It's therapeutic for me to write it all out, and in so doing, I hope God will use it for His glory.

7 responses »

  1. Your such a great writer. I feel like I know all your littles one even though I’ve only met Ben as a baby. So here’s to praying that Deacon will be tough enough to take all of Phoebe’s pinches very soon 🙂

  2. Precious!!!!! And Rayleen is so right. You write so well….wish you did not have so much to write about but God wastes nothing…no matter how hard. I love hearing your heart about your babies….so sweet….

  3. Amey, I don’t even know you but I already love you! What a lovely poem for your sweet boy.

    My name is Pamela and I’ve been following your blog from Calgary, Alberta (Canada). I can’t remember who sent me the link but it doesn’t matter. I read your story and thanked our Awesome God for leading me to your precious Phoebe. What an amazing daughter you have. I don’t think the word “can’t” is in her vocabulary and she’s certainly a trouper as she works so hard to go home.

    Phoebe impressed me Amey, and you did as well. I think God has connected us for a reason and I might know what it is!!!

    Within my “space” in this world, there is a large group of people praying for a sweet 11 year old named Hope. Several weeks ago, Hope suffered a stroke following surgery to remove her tonsils and she’s been in hospital ever since. Hope has a loving and devoted “kid sister” Gabi who delights in making Hope laugh, as well as devoted parents and other loved ones. Her dad is a pastor, and her mom has been keeping everyone updated as they walk through this fire.

    I have been reminded several times of the similarities Phoebe and Hope are experiencing: catastrophic event, medical ups and downs, Jesus suffering every step of the way with each girl on her journey…as well, each precious daughter is being surrounded by prayer in person and on prayer chains around the world. What an amazing God we serve!!

    I’m wondering if you would like the contact information for Hope’s parents? I keep feeling God’s prompting that this might be a great opportunity to share the ups and downs, and the realities that your girls go through, with another God-centered family in the same type of situation? I would be more than happy to facilitate that if you’re interested.

    I pray for your family each day Amey, and I hope Our Heavenly Father continues to rain His love and His peace and His comfort on each of you. Thank you for sharing your heartaches and your joys and I look forward to Phoebe’s continued updates.

    God bless you

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