While driving in the car yesterday….


Phoebe: “God loves us. God loves us and God is not a meanie.”
Me: “That’s right Phoebe, God loves us very much.”
Phoebe: “And I am not afraid, say it Mom, say “I am not afraid.”
Me, teary-eyed: “I am not afraid.”

This girl…


About Amey Fair

I am Amey Fair, wife to Nathan, and home-educating Mom to Benjamin (9), Averic (7), Deacon (4) and Phoebe (2) . Phoebe was diagnosed with a rare childhood malignant brain cancer called Atypical Teratoid Rabdoid Tumor on January 1, 2012. She had complete resection surgery to remove the tumor on January 4th and began chemotherapy using the Dana Farber protocol on January 26th. A few weeks ago I was sleeping in the chair next to Phoebe's bed in the hospital when I heard her little voice drawing me out of sleep. It was 3 am and it took me a minute to shake off the slumber. "Mommy I'm a mean girl" I thought she said. "No Phoebe, you're a nice girl!" I replied. "No Mommy, I'm a MIRACLE!" Phoebe said. "I'm a MIRACLE, I'm a MIRACLE, I'm a MIRACLE!" she continued on. My tears welled up and spilled over as she made her declaration. Phoebe doesn't know the word "miracle" nor the concept, she's only 2. It was as if the Lord was speaking through her like a prophetic utterance. She fell right back to sleep and I sat there awake, lingering in the magical moment. Less than 40 children are diagnosed with Phoebe's type of cancer in the U.S. each year. This is why it's called "ATYPICAL Teratoid Rabdoid Tumor". So, I have titled this blog in honor of Phoebe, our "Atypical Miracle". We are YWAM'ers, serving in missions through Youth With A Mission since 1998. Before returning to the states 1 year ago, we lived near Guadalajara Mexico for 3 years. It was during our year of agricultural missions training in Waco, TX that Phoebe began exhibiting symptoms from the pressure of the tumor on her brain. Weight loss, lethargy, extreme thirst and vomiting were her symptoms. We have been granted sabbatical during this time to focus on Phoebe's intensive chemotherapy treatment and are renting a home in Dallas near the Children's hospital where Phoebe is being treated. Like the woman who touched the hem of Jesus' robe in Luke chapter 8, we cling to Him, knowing that He is Phoebe's healer. If we can just touch Him, be near Him, bring Phoebe to Him each day, we have hope. He is our hope. Thank you for coming along on this journey with our family. It's therapeutic for me to write it all out, and in so doing, I hope God will use it for His glory.

24 responses »

  1. Bless her heart and God bless yours, too. Phoebe is an incredible inspiration and exhorter. We who have not had the privilege of meeting her here look forward to walking the streets of Glory with her as we jointly will be praising our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ.

    Sent from my iPhone

  2. Phoebe continues to remind us how our Savior is the Way and the Light. We sang “Be Not Afraid” at Mass this morning: “Be not afraid. I go before you always. Come, follow Me, and I will give you rest.” Love to all of you, and faithful prayers.

  3. Out of the mouths of Babes! Too sweet!

    Sent from my iPhone Cheri Perry 1-888-249-9919 You can get everything in life you want if you just help enough other people get what they want. ~Zig Ziglar 1927-2012 Rest in Peace dear friend!

  4. Phoebe’s is not afraid and for that we can all learn what Faith is all about. Amy, I would have cried too. What a blessing and I thank you for blessing us! Hugs, Marilyn

  5. Oh that touched me so much~ she is such an amazing child! You have touched so many including ” the lukewarm ” Christian I have become.

  6. This whole saga has been a supernatural experience for me, and I have never met this girl who has seen the far shore already. You cannot know, dear Amey, how wonderful and profound it is to have read your posts and followed the life of you, your family, annd especially dear sweet Phoebe, the “miracle girl.” It is a great privilege.

  7. Phoebe is an Angel sent to us from God. She has no fear because she does know Gods grace and confort. She is spreading the message of PEACE by FAITH, If a person truely knows and trust God Almighty there is no fear. Praisning God for our Miracle, PHOEBE. Thank you for allowing me to be a part oi this anointment by faith and Gods gracious love for Phoebe. Prayers of peace and love.

  8. “This girl” ~ who is such a wonder: so bold and teaching all of us who are following the precious things you share with us what faith is all about. Thank you and God Bless You, Amey.
    P.S. I’d like to piggy-back on Ian Rogers; comments above. They express so tenderly the experience I’ve had travelling through this season with you!

    • This is a truely blessed experience we can all learn from if our hearts are truely in sink with the Lord. I have been thru my own personal journey and am looking forwar d to shering this journey with
      Phiebe. Goes continued blessing and my continued prayers. AMEN

  9. Again i just want to say with all the love an tenderness that words on this page can possibly SPEAK to all of you in this precious family: Thank you for sharing your life with all of us, thank you for the love you have shared with all of us about each other, and thank you for the sharing the love of our Lord that you have—it is easy to love in the good times, it is more difficult to love in the hard times–you have shown the way–May God continue to cover you with His Strength and His Love and His Courage–the kind that only He can give. Love to you all, marilyn from TN

  10. I am sure I could not go though what you are doing. You are a hero to me. Your faith is wonderful. You have raised your little angel in the ways of the Lord. I have followed you story for the beginning. and will continue to remember you always. Love and prays Toni from MI.

  11. I am in tears! Tomorrow marks the 20th anniversary of my son, Drew’s diagnosis with brain cancer. I am posting on FB to increase awareness of childhood cancer in September. Could I post this and a sentence or two and ideally a picture of Phoebe? Our kids are too precious to not have a fighting chance….

  12. I am sure that you are inundated with all kinds of letters and notes. I do not want to add to the burden of a day in which there is never enough time. I just wanted to let you know that we are praying for you. My name is Linda, and my husband, Mark and I are missionaries in Asia Pacific. We heard about Phoebe through Facebook correspondence with a former MK with whom we served in West Africa many years ago. I read your letter regarding the recurrence of the tumor in Phoebe’s brain to my 11 year old daughter, Alexandra. We started praying for you, daily, she and I. Almost daily she would ask if there was a new update on Phoebe. When she read of the big party you were throwing for Phoebe’s birthday she was determined that we would also celebrate. Unfortunately, we were all terribly ill with the ‘flu so a cookie with a candle on it on Phoebe’s birthday was all we could manage. But we prayed for her and talked about how we could bring glory to God in our lives. Once we were well we decided we must do something for Phoebe. Alex was taken with the idea of being able to send your family a meal, even from so far away as Singapore. So she decided to share her own12th birthday with Phoebe. She cooked all weekend making Bobotie (a South African meatloaf – exotic tasting!),homemade bread and baking her own birthday cake. She took all the food to our missionary office where she shared the meal with them for Phoebe. We took up donations that we could send to your family. We would like you to use that money as you need to, but if somewhere along the way you need a meal out, you can think of Alex. We raised $200 Singaporean, approximately $160 USD.
    I appreciate so much your willingness to be so transparent as you deal with your struggles and as you try to embrace every moment you can as a family with your precious girl. Being missionaries who have lived in war torn areas of Africa, I can identify somewhat with your sense of loss, but not the depth to which you must feel it. I have four beautiful girls, three grown and living in the states. I ache for you. Grieving the loss of dreams alongside your little girl is more than the human spirit can bear. I know that the grace of which you speak is not a happily ever after, pie in the sky by and by kind of grace. You fight each day to hold onto the knowledge of His sustaining power. Praise God, His grace is sufficient, His Spirit does comfort, His strong right hand does uphold. I pray this for you each day as you continue to love your family, share your story and give God all glory and honor.

  13. Tears~updated myself on Phoebe just now. You write beautifully, with the expression of the love from a mother, and the knowing Grace from our Father. “Peace I leave you, Peace I give you, not as the world gives, I give you. Therefore do NOT let your heart be troubled, NOR be afraid”. John 14:27 Your daughter was reminding you of the Prince of Peace. Peace in Hebrew is Shalom, meaning “complete” or “whole”. In Him we are indeed complete, having the Peace that passes all understanding. Say it mom, “i am not afraid”. I am a friend and neighbor of your moms, Rebecca. Blessings and Peace to you and your family, each and every minute of the day.

  14. I have come across your site by chance and this entry made me cry. What a wonderful, courageous little girl you have. You must be so proud. Bless you x

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