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We are keeping vigil around our sweet girl as she declines. I will never be ready to say goodbye and even with all the waiting it will take me by surprise. A world without Phoebe Fair, how can it be…

-Amey

About Amey Fair

I am Amey Fair, wife to Nathan, and home-educating Mom to Benjamin (9), Averic (7), Deacon (4) and Phoebe (2) . Phoebe was diagnosed with a rare childhood malignant brain cancer called Atypical Teratoid Rabdoid Tumor on January 1, 2012. She had complete resection surgery to remove the tumor on January 4th and began chemotherapy using the Dana Farber protocol on January 26th. A few weeks ago I was sleeping in the chair next to Phoebe's bed in the hospital when I heard her little voice drawing me out of sleep. It was 3 am and it took me a minute to shake off the slumber. "Mommy I'm a mean girl" I thought she said. "No Phoebe, you're a nice girl!" I replied. "No Mommy, I'm a MIRACLE!" Phoebe said. "I'm a MIRACLE, I'm a MIRACLE, I'm a MIRACLE!" she continued on. My tears welled up and spilled over as she made her declaration. Phoebe doesn't know the word "miracle" nor the concept, she's only 2. It was as if the Lord was speaking through her like a prophetic utterance. She fell right back to sleep and I sat there awake, lingering in the magical moment. Less than 40 children are diagnosed with Phoebe's type of cancer in the U.S. each year. This is why it's called "ATYPICAL Teratoid Rabdoid Tumor". So, I have titled this blog in honor of Phoebe, our "Atypical Miracle". We are YWAM'ers, serving in missions through Youth With A Mission since 1998. Before returning to the states 1 year ago, we lived near Guadalajara Mexico for 3 years. It was during our year of agricultural missions training in Waco, TX that Phoebe began exhibiting symptoms from the pressure of the tumor on her brain. Weight loss, lethargy, extreme thirst and vomiting were her symptoms. We have been granted sabbatical during this time to focus on Phoebe's intensive chemotherapy treatment and are renting a home in Dallas near the Children's hospital where Phoebe is being treated. Like the woman who touched the hem of Jesus' robe in Luke chapter 8, we cling to Him, knowing that He is Phoebe's healer. If we can just touch Him, be near Him, bring Phoebe to Him each day, we have hope. He is our hope. Thank you for coming along on this journey with our family. It's therapeutic for me to write it all out, and in so doing, I hope God will use it for His glory.

96 responses »

  1. We are with you!

    Sent from my iPhone Cheri Perry 1-888-249-9919 You can get everything in life you want if you just help enough other people get what they want. ~Zig Ziglar 1927-2012 Rest in Peace dear friend!

  2. May God be with you all, to comfort and embrace you during this impossible time..we love you all so very much and are surrounding you with our prayers.

    The Chambers Family

  3. May the Father surround you with His divine presence and may you feel his arms wrapped around you. I am praying for Phoebe and all of you!!

  4. I’ve been following the story and hearing this breaka ny heart. Praying she find comfort and God gives you and your family the wisdom to heal after all this. You all are so strong, even that atypical princess.

  5. Oh my Fair family! My heart goes out to you! We pray for peace and comfort for you and Nathan and the boys! Phoebe has changed my life forever and we will never forget how strong she is and how much she trusts in The Lord God Almighty!!! We love you!!!

  6. Miss Phoebe has inspired so many. God has blessed us through her. We are deeply indebted to you Amey for sharing her with us as she has struggled, rallied and even as she continues to run the good race in her physical weakness. May God hold you tight and let her light shine on for you as you spend whatever time he gives you with her. I can only pray that in your situation, I could be so loving, so faith-filled, so generous, filled with gratitude.

  7. Father, grant that this family, Your servants, would trust in You when nothing makes sense, that they would see Your love shine clearly through the confusion and the pain. Help them to find Your healing, peace, and grace in this and every moment…. Dear Abba, let it be so. Amen.

  8. I do not know you but have been praying for you all so much. Your girl is a beauty, and clearly such a JOY. I pray that you will all continue to feel without a doubt the nearness of His presence, carrying you each and every moment.

  9. Our heart breaks for you and your family. Phoebe is such a little shining star! May God wrap his arms around Phoebe, you, Nathan, and the boys as you go through this sad and desperate time. We have found comfort in Phoebe’s love for her heavenly Father. Thank you all for being such an example of placing complete trust and faith in God no matter what. Love to all of you.

  10. Oh Amey, I instinctually doubled over a little when I read this post. I remember these hours with my own daughter. The waiting. Though it was 10 years ago, I remember the waiting clearly. And even though I had been prepared to say goodbye, when the time came, it was a crushing blow. Even God’s infinite wisdom and love couldn’t keep me steady in those moments. I am so sorry for your family in having to go through this, in having to lose your Phoebe. She is lovely, and she is loved by many; even people like myself, who don’t even know her first-hand. God be with you and keep you all.

  11. Nothing anyone says can make it better. Know how many people are thinking of the Fairs’ during this hard time. You all are by far the strongest family I have ever come across. My heart is breaking. May god bless little Pheobe.

    -Alyssa (SF California)

    • Nothing anyone says can make it better. Know how many people are thinking of the Fairs’ during this hard time. You all are by far the strongest family I have ever come across. My heart is breaking. May god bless little Phoebe.

      -Alyssa (SF California)

  12. I am with you in every thought and prayer. The angels will greet Phoebe with open arms and given the chance she would not come back. Love to you and your family. I’m asking my Mom to meet her in heaven and show her around. She is a precious soul who loved children. God will have the right angels to guide her and to give you strength.

  13. May God comfort you all during this precious time with your daughter. She has been an inspiration. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  14. Our prayers, hearts and thoughts are with each if you. Just can’t imagine how unbelievable it is to be standing where each of you are at this time. It’s overwhelming too me, knowing that our Heavenly Father is Sovereign and does everything well!! I know the Holy Spirit will surround and protect each of you as only He can. And the prayers of each person praying will uphold you in the months to come.

    Our love is there for each of you,

    Susan and Duane Young

    Sent from my iPad

  15. In the Name of JESUS and the authority of JESUS we command all Cancers to leave Phoebe’s body NOW, NOW in the name of JESUS. NOT later, but right now in JESUS name. Holy Spirit we thank you that you are ministering life, the LIFE of CHRIST to flow through every cell in her precious body. The enemy can not stand against the LORD and this cancer can not stand against the LORD, He healed us at the whipping post. Jesus we thank you for that. We thank you for the miracle that you have for Phoebe. Sickness, disease, infirmity, rare cancer you must leave and you must leave NOW in JESUS NAME. Life, Life, Life of Christ flowing through Phoebe, thank you JESUS! Matt. 10:8

    Please contact Curry Blake at JGLM.org. They are right there in Dallas. One of his daughters was raised from the dead. Please call him to come pray for Phoebe.

  16. Loving little Phoebe from afar and you said it perfectly, life will never be the same with out her! She is part of everyone she has inspired forever:) such a little thing to experience so much, I pray for her final comfort! She must feel his arms all around her and her sweet family’s love!

  17. Today a lovelly friend of mine told me that she has cancer… I just can’t stop thinking of her, Phobe and all people who have been so badly hurt by this disease… It’s all so sad and unfair… I can’t stop crying for hours!!!
    I hope God can give confort for our hearts and specially yours, who is a mother and love your baby so much…
    There is no words to explain this feeling, but God knows about everything and everyone!
    Xoxo

  18. I can’t imagine a world without Phoebe Fair and I’ve never met her. At least not in person……:-( She has changed so many lives with her strength and wisdom and now she will be changed, whole, perfect, happy, can you imagine her sitting on the lap of Jesus while he speaks and she takes it all in?!?!?! She won’t be in pain and she’ll be waiting with open arms to see your whole family someday. That’s the good part…. The part I can’t imagine is the hole in the heart of your family as Miss Phoebe says goodbye. I can only pray and pray and pray some more that, that amazing peace of God that has carried you through this sickness thus far, will continue to surround you as you go through some of the darkest days you’ve ever experienced. His grace truly is sufficient….

  19. It is with a heavy heart that I read of your vigil around sweet sweet Phoebe. She is drawing closer and closer to Heaven and our Lord Jesus Christ. Soon she will awaken with no pain, her hair long and wavy again and she will be running and laughing and playing. But still my heart breaks for your precious family. You will survive and live on…. and then turn around and you too will be in Heaven with your baby girl and she can hug your necks and show you around. Phoebe is soon to embark on a wonderful adventure…an adventure beyond anything she has ever done before. She has been thoroughly loved by hundreds and hundreds of people… most of whom she hasn’t met. We have learned so much from her… I am looking forward to someday meeting her and telling her how much she taught me about life and family and love. Thank you, Phoebelicious… you did good!!

  20. It is with much sadness that I read your latest post. I will continue to pray for precious Phoebe, She is definitely a gift from God. I agree with Suzy’s post, she’s taught so many people that don’t even know her so much in so little time, myself included. We will rest in knowing God will take good care of Phoebe when she gets there. We love you Phoebe!

  21. My heart goes out to you and I pray God’s peace and care for each of you and yours. Phoebe has a loving heart and an unfailing faith in God. She is an inspiration and a witness to all. Love always

    Virginia Love

  22. > I know my tears don’t help, but please know how much I care… No words are able to express how much. A blessed Eternity awaits as we live on without our loved ones, but it’s not an easy wait. Praising God for any time we have shared with them. Thank you for sharing your journey. So grateful that you have shown your sweet Phoebe how to trust Jesus.

    Sent from my iPad

  23. I do not know you but I found your blog through a friends posting on facebook. Your love for your daughter has made me a better Mummy. As I read this post tonight, I put my computer to the side and went in to kiss my 19 month old as he lay sleeping. With tears streaming down my face, I thanked God for his life and for your daughters life. I grieve for you but am so grateful that we do not grieve without hope. Thank you for keeping up with this blog and for inspiring so many parents to be better.

  24. saying I love you and your whole family and your precious baby girl hardly seems to touch the surface of my heart for all of you. Just know that you are loved and prayed for without ceasing and my soul aches for you. Marilyn from tn

  25. I just started reading your posts a few weeks ago and can’t tell you how much it has impacted me. I have two little girls myself and can’t even image the pain you and your family are in. I have a heavy heart tonight reading your post and am covering you all in my prayers. God bless. Joey from Auburn CA

  26. This is the 1st time I have commented on this blog, but it touched my heart so deeply that I feel that I am with all of you there around her. Bless you all, Mom and Daddy, big brother’s and all the rest of your family. There is no way to say goodbye to such a precious life, but you can tell her that it is ok, and you will see her again when it’s time. My heart aches for you. Peace and love you all of you, Toni Quezada

  27. Hearts are breaking all over the world as the LORD awaits the birth of Phoebe Fair into heaven and her real LIFE for eternity. Praise GOD you have the hope of being with her for eternity. I know there is no comfort that we can give you this side of heaven but I am praying the LORD JESUS sends you the COMFORTER to wrap HIS loving arms about all of you. Our hears ache for yours. We have grown to love each of you as we have prayed for you. Kiss Phoebe for all of us. xoox

  28. Words are inadequate vehicles to convey the caring surrounding you, but of course, even that is no shield from the sadness. But, there never will be a world without Phoebe Fair. We’ve all been touched by her light and will carry that with us and spread its loving joyful spirit. Certainly, her presence in this world will change in form. That’s heartbreaking, but Phoebe gone? No. Never. That must be the pledge of those, even the strangers, whose lives she’s touched: to keep the light shining by truly paying forward the gift of knowing her. Each of us must determine individually how we do that, but we must honor Phoebe and the privilege of being a part of her story by doing something to make the world a little brighter and better. That’s what Phoebe’s life has been about. We must carry that banner for her when she is ready to pass it to us. What a blessed trust she’s given us. Thank you, Fair Family, for taking us all in and sharing your girl. Know that you are loved and try to let that warmth envelope you through this time.
    Melissa Joelson

  29. I have been in prayer for your family since the beginning of this trial and instantly felt heartbreak thinking of sweet phoebe enduring this huge burden as my own daughter is the same age! I think of the song Everlasting God(we set our hope) and pray that you will set your hope on the Everlasting God and remain confident that you will see the goodness of the Lord! I am so thankful that you have trusted the Lord through this storm because there is honestly no other way to face what you have without him. Phoebe sounds like such a beautiful soul and I have been blessed by her hope and courage through each stage of this fight. Praying so very much for Each of You!!

  30. My heart hurts for you . I know nothing can help. But know the world loves the Fair family. I wish I could just hug you. Jesus is holding out his arms for her .

  31. I’m so sorry sweetheart. I pray for your family to have peace & comfort & for Phoebe to be pain free. Love & hugs to all.

  32. Dear Amey and family, I’m praying that God would hold you in His arms. There are angels surrounding you. xxxxxxx

  33. I have no words…Just praying through tears for your sweet family. I pray that you feel God holding all of you in His loving arms. My heart is heavy for you… I cannot fathom…God understands…I do not…

  34. Praying for a miracle. Praying for comfort, strength and understanding. Angles are amongst you. Prayer warriors are lifting your family up every minute.

  35. THANK YOU JESUS that you stand with uS in our daily lives as we believe that our FAYHER GOD
    gives us the grace, peace and love as we do go on.
    Still praying individually for each of you, for this journey has effected each differently..
    Blessing from our LORD JESUS CHRIST.
    Amen

  36. Amey and Nathan. . .we’re keeping vigil with you. My daughter’s prayer this very morning was that you would realized that we (the body) are with you from across the country, the states, the towns, the street. . . praying with you. Thank you of posting the sweet picture of Phoebe’s hands. A precious image. Praying God’s continued strength, peace, provision and comfort over you. Sending love and a strong embrace to you and your family — Jeannie

  37. I will still be praying for her and your brave family the world will be with out one more brave little girl I feel so sad for your family may God watch over you and Phoebe may he hold her hand as she walks into heaven

  38. I am so sorry you and your family have to endure such heartache. Please know there are so many of us praying for Phoebe and the entire family. God is still good. He will see you all through this difficult time.

  39. I have thought about you all day long. May God wrap His loving arms around you Amey. You are such a precious Mom. I wish I could carry your heartache for you, so you wouldn’t have to go through this.

  40. You two are such good,kind,loving people… I hate that this is happening to you. We are so sorry and sad. May Gods grace and love be closer to you than ever.. Hugs and love from our family.

  41. We don’t know each other, I saw your post thru a mutual friend. My grandmother use to say ” out of the mouths of babes comes wisdom and truth.” I think God prepares those that are innocent. It is us that have to work on preparing. My prayers are with you and your family.

  42. My hearts breaks for you and the family and praying GOD’S GREAT LOVE AND MERCY for all of you . nothing that anyone can say will help much but GOD is still in control and I pray that HE will give you Peace , Comfort and understanding . GOD BLESS YOU . Hugs love and prayers A Nana in Georgia ..

  43. I have been following your story which I am sure came to me through your grandfather’s company’s communications. I am so sad about your little girl and all she has been through. And your family. I wish I could say something that would make everything better but hopefully knowing one more person holds you in her thoughts will bring a small comfort.

  44. If Phoebe can tolerate it make molds of her adorable hands… You will be so glad you did when she goes to be with Jesus…. Although I will still pray for a complete miracle healing!

  45. All I can say is that I hope she finds peace and so does the family. What a beautiful little girl. God just chose an extra special rose for his garden in heaven.

  46. There are days when I feel like
    giving up and giving in…
    ’cause I just can’t see how this will come to an end.
    Nothing that I do works and
    nothing that I say changes anything…
    it just stays the same.

    All my friend and family
    tell me that they’re here for me.
    And, though they try, they can’t
    take this aching away.

    In my darkest moments, though.
    I’m reminded I’m not alone —
    and I hear You say….

    “Remember, there’s a forever.
    Don’t be discouraged just seeing the ‘now’.
    Remember, that I am with you.
    We can get through this,
    though you may not see how.
    Take My hand — and focus on Me.
    Really know — I’m all that you need.
    Remember.”

    Your words don’t change my circumstance…
    no magic wand to wave and fix it.
    But, I feel my hopelessness replaced by Your peace.
    Help me just keep walking ahead..
    taking every day step by step,
    as I hear You say…

    “Remember.”

  47. Holding you all in prayer still, and just to say what a beautiful little girl your dear Phoebe is, such an inspiration to us all. God be with you and give you His great strength and peace.

  48. I am so sorry. No parent should ever go through this. Your daughter is beautiful and I’ll be praying for you and your family.

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