On the Road


Yesterday at 10:30 pm was one week since our Phoebe left for heaven. We are out of town for a little while..needing some space and time between last week and the rest of our lives. Today was a gift; we ate at a restaurant where patrons are encouraged to throw their peanut shells on the floor and of course I thought of Phoebes. Then they brought rolls and butter, and if you know Phoebes, you know the girl can spend half an hour buttering one roll, it’s one of her favorite pass-times. Later this evening as the sun was setting we came upon a long row of cars parked beside a country road and people sitting in their lawn chairs looking toward a field. We stopped out of curiosity just in time to see about 15 elk make their way out of the woods and into a meadow to graze. It was beautiful. We talk about Phoebe, the boys take turns sitting in her spot in the car so that her seat isn’t empty, and we watch videos of her throughout the day. Expecting good things from this time away with our boys. Thank you for thinking of us and continuing to pray for us.


About Amey Fair

I am Amey Fair, wife to Nathan, and home-educating Mom to Benjamin (9), Averic (7), Deacon (4) and Phoebe (2) . Phoebe was diagnosed with a rare childhood malignant brain cancer called Atypical Teratoid Rabdoid Tumor on January 1, 2012. She had complete resection surgery to remove the tumor on January 4th and began chemotherapy using the Dana Farber protocol on January 26th. A few weeks ago I was sleeping in the chair next to Phoebe's bed in the hospital when I heard her little voice drawing me out of sleep. It was 3 am and it took me a minute to shake off the slumber. "Mommy I'm a mean girl" I thought she said. "No Phoebe, you're a nice girl!" I replied. "No Mommy, I'm a MIRACLE!" Phoebe said. "I'm a MIRACLE, I'm a MIRACLE, I'm a MIRACLE!" she continued on. My tears welled up and spilled over as she made her declaration. Phoebe doesn't know the word "miracle" nor the concept, she's only 2. It was as if the Lord was speaking through her like a prophetic utterance. She fell right back to sleep and I sat there awake, lingering in the magical moment. Less than 40 children are diagnosed with Phoebe's type of cancer in the U.S. each year. This is why it's called "ATYPICAL Teratoid Rabdoid Tumor". So, I have titled this blog in honor of Phoebe, our "Atypical Miracle". We are YWAM'ers, serving in missions through Youth With A Mission since 1998. Before returning to the states 1 year ago, we lived near Guadalajara Mexico for 3 years. It was during our year of agricultural missions training in Waco, TX that Phoebe began exhibiting symptoms from the pressure of the tumor on her brain. Weight loss, lethargy, extreme thirst and vomiting were her symptoms. We have been granted sabbatical during this time to focus on Phoebe's intensive chemotherapy treatment and are renting a home in Dallas near the Children's hospital where Phoebe is being treated. Like the woman who touched the hem of Jesus' robe in Luke chapter 8, we cling to Him, knowing that He is Phoebe's healer. If we can just touch Him, be near Him, bring Phoebe to Him each day, we have hope. He is our hope. Thank you for coming along on this journey with our family. It's therapeutic for me to write it all out, and in so doing, I hope God will use it for His glory.

30 responses »

  1. Sounds like you are walking through the wilderness- guided on your journey! Love and prayers coming your way!

    Sent from my iPhone Cheri Perry 1-888-249-9919 You can get everything in life you want if you just help enough other people get what they want. ~Zig Ziglar 1927-2012 Rest in Peace dear friend!

  2. Always..always..thinking of you all and praying for you all as well. Thank you for continuing to include us in your beautiful lives.

    All my Love & Blessings,

  3. I know this is such a very difficult time, but I wanted you to know that there are many people who care and are keeping you in our daily prayers. Thank you for continuing to share your journey… Hugs and prayers from Mississippi!

  4. Thank you for continuing to post and share your journey. Glad your having some time away to spend on those beautiful boys.

  5. It lifts my heart to know that you had a good day and could remember the wonderful joy she brought you daily! Love you all, hoping for more good days! Not only do you need it but the Boys need it also. Great big hugs and Prayers. Tell Aunt Jeni Hi

  6. Amey & Family,

    Only the Lord could enable you to continue to write and enable you, Nathan and the boys to put one foot in front of the other. I am grateful for your opportunity to ne able to get away and take a “breath” from this very long journey. I pray that it will be as refreshing for each of you as it was for Elijah when the Lord “refreshed” him.

    Having recently experienced the grief of losing my Mom and realizing that it was the end of an era with both parents now in heaven, on a particularly hard day the song written by Dottie Rambo “In the Valley” kept ringing in my ears. All I could remember was “in the valley He restoreth my soul”, and for several days those were the only words I could utter. And, because of the wisdom, mercy, love, and grace of our Lord those few little, but powerful, words got me through. He does restore our souls in a way that only He can. But such wonderful nuggets and truths we glean going “through” that valley.

    My prayers will continue for each of you that as you move forward it will be all the beautiful, precious memories of that sweet Little Phoebes that eases your pain. The Holy Spirit has such a beautifull way of nurturing us with just the right things at just the right time……beautiful, embraceable moments.

    Blessings to each of you in the precious name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

    Susan and Duane Young

  7. Oh Fair Family thank you so much for continuing to let us in on you journey. So happy you all had a good day. Praying there are more days like today. Much love and Aloha

  8. Oh how wonderful it feels to read your emails. I was thinking of you all this weekend and I also noticed that this Saturday was one week since Phoebe went to be with Jesus.
    I being having Astham after 4 years of not having any. And awhile I was feeling like a fish out of the water almost every evening, I was so thankful for everything each evening. For I learned with our little Phoebe that all you got do is sing our “Holy, Holy” song and all seems to be better. And so this morning, I wake up and my lungs are starting to clear up. God is good.
    And I than I read your email and felt so happy. Yet, I know you all still grieving. It is so wonderful to hear from yours journey and that each day you are all celebrating Phoebe with bubbles and watching videos and going out of town for a little change.
    God take care of each one of you. Be safe. And don’t forget to write. Send pictures of you guys.
    We love you all and we continue to pray for peace and comfort.
    To a great week.

  9. Amey and Nathan, in honor of Phoebe and because I learned to love her so much as many of us did, I used one of her pictures in my Viber profile for the remaining of this month.

    As you both probably know for I see there that Nathan is part of Viber. Viber is one of the ways that I communicate with my family in Brazil. And I want you to know that everyone was touched by the picture.

    We really miss Phoebe and thankful for knowing her. She changed many, many, many of us.

  10. Just like the Golden Valley in “Shadowlands.” When things settle somewhat (I know it will only be somewhat), rent that movie. Love.

  11. Thank you for letting us continue on your journey. Praying that you will enjoy this time with your family!!

  12. Thank you for your postings. We all loved her and love your family so. On the road with you too, remembering (crying and smiling) and praying. May you feel the circle of friendship and love when you need it the most.

  13. Glad to hear you had a good day and are taking time to recharge. You all have been through so much, I hope and pray that you will find your energy renewed. Thank you again for sharing your journey and your family with all of us our here. Prayers and hugs.

  14. That’s good news to hear this morning. Praying for peace and comfort. Phoebe will always be remembered with her big smile that still lights the world.

  15. Good Morning, Fair Family — sending up prayers of praise that you are able to have this time away. . .a time out. . .to be together, to grieve, to heal a bit, to remember. Again will say that you and Nathan are amazing parents. . .so wise. Love that the boys are taking turns sitting in Phoebe’s place. Praying for sweet moments with them helping them to process and shepherding their hearts. Praying prayers of blessings over you alll. . .rest for your bodies, souls and hearts. Thinking of you always. ..thank you for continuing to include us . . . we love to you — Jeannie

    PS This week as I thought of Phoebe, I kept seeing her with her monkey slippers. .. .love her style! and that sweet picture you posted! xoxo

  16. You are not far from my thoughts and always lifted up at each remembrance, daily. Praying that the LORD not only hold you all close but that HE speak to you and give you HIS PEACE, JESUS during this time of mourning. I pray that HE direct your steps and show you what you are to do, where you are to go and what you are to say and do when you get there. Until then, rest. So thankful you taking the time to rest. XOXO

  17. Amy, Nathan, and boys, I know that Jesus and your faith in Him is the only way tha you can find the strength daily to get throughout this. Thank you so much for letting us see you as you travel this journey with you. I know that my faith has been strengthened so much as I lift you up in my prayers and remember all my blessings.

  18. Still praying for you and your family! You have constantly been in my heart, on my mind and in my prayers. I know little Phoebe is giving Jesus and the other saints, that have gone before her, a run for their money! She is blowing bubbles, painting fingers and toes, and giggling with the precious smile of hers! Thank you for allowing us to get to know her and your family. I feel as if I have know you all my life, but it excites me more to know that we will be spending eternity together and Phoebe is waiting right there for us all. She will keep them all entertained until we get there!!! LOL!! God bless!!!

  19. I used to pray with Zig on Sunday mornings. One day, I’d read Stormie O ‘Martian’s book Praying for Your Children & I stumbled across her quoting Isaiah 61:3 – God wants to give those who grieve “Beauty for ashes, the Oil of Joy for their Mourning, and A Spirit of Praise for their Heaviness; so that they will become Oaks of Righteousness, giving Glory to Me Sayeth The Lord ! I’m praying that verse for all of you, Phoebe Fair ‘s family & friends…..with Love Believing in Faith. ! Amen ! 🙂 < Via Con Dios !!! xo

  20. Dear Amey – you and your family have been on my heart and in my prayers ever since I stumbled across your blog. I continue to pray for you and your family day and night. I am so very sorry for your loss and how hard it must feel to live without her on this side of Heaven.
    I smile when I think of Phoebe having one big unending play date in Heaven : )
    She is safe and sound, wrapped in the arms of Jesus.
    The Lord tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Is 40:11
    May God bless you all.
    In Jesus’ love ~ from Ontario Canada.

  21. Because you Nathan, the boy, your mom are always close in my thoughts and prayers–just as you have been for almost 2 years–y’all have become a part of my daily life. I pray for Gods healing an comfort as you each grieve Sweet precious Phoebe ! know you are loved! Marilyn from TN

  22. Just thought I would share..Since I found your blog, Phoebe has been on my mind constantly for the last few months and now I see reminders of her everywhere. At lunch with my son, a girl who looked very similar to Phoebe and at the toy store, Hello Kitty. These are just a few examples. I share this to let you know what a huge impact Phoebe had on my heart and on my relationship with Jesus. I hope that I never stop seeing reminders of her. I’m happy that you continue to post here and I’d love to continue to know how your family is doing as I lift you up in prayer. Thanks again for the impact you have had on me and for allowing God to work through you.

  23. We are still here, praying for you, walking with you, and loving you. The Fair family is ever present in my thoughts. I’m praying for healed hearts, beautiful memories that never fade, and a safe and healing trip.

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