Homeward Bound

Tomorrow we head home to Texas. We left 3 days after Phoebe passed. The house was full of beautiful funeral flowers, but so empty of her presence. We had to get away. We have spent the last two weeks traveling with our boys and enjoying the blessing of just being together. We are ready to come home, but a little nervous as well. We know Phoebe’s empty room will be waiting for us, a stark reminder of her absence. Please pray for us as we transition into this new season. We are so thankful for all of the messages and sweet rememberances of our girl.

About Amey Fair

I am Amey Fair, wife to Nathan, and home-educating Mom to Benjamin (9), Averic (7), Deacon (4) and Phoebe (2) . Phoebe was diagnosed with a rare childhood malignant brain cancer called Atypical Teratoid Rabdoid Tumor on January 1, 2012. She had complete resection surgery to remove the tumor on January 4th and began chemotherapy using the Dana Farber protocol on January 26th. A few weeks ago I was sleeping in the chair next to Phoebe's bed in the hospital when I heard her little voice drawing me out of sleep. It was 3 am and it took me a minute to shake off the slumber. "Mommy I'm a mean girl" I thought she said. "No Phoebe, you're a nice girl!" I replied. "No Mommy, I'm a MIRACLE!" Phoebe said. "I'm a MIRACLE, I'm a MIRACLE, I'm a MIRACLE!" she continued on. My tears welled up and spilled over as she made her declaration. Phoebe doesn't know the word "miracle" nor the concept, she's only 2. It was as if the Lord was speaking through her like a prophetic utterance. She fell right back to sleep and I sat there awake, lingering in the magical moment. Less than 40 children are diagnosed with Phoebe's type of cancer in the U.S. each year. This is why it's called "ATYPICAL Teratoid Rabdoid Tumor". So, I have titled this blog in honor of Phoebe, our "Atypical Miracle". We are YWAM'ers, serving in missions through Youth With A Mission since 1998. Before returning to the states 1 year ago, we lived near Guadalajara Mexico for 3 years. It was during our year of agricultural missions training in Waco, TX that Phoebe began exhibiting symptoms from the pressure of the tumor on her brain. Weight loss, lethargy, extreme thirst and vomiting were her symptoms. We have been granted sabbatical during this time to focus on Phoebe's intensive chemotherapy treatment and are renting a home in Dallas near the Children's hospital where Phoebe is being treated. Like the woman who touched the hem of Jesus' robe in Luke chapter 8, we cling to Him, knowing that He is Phoebe's healer. If we can just touch Him, be near Him, bring Phoebe to Him each day, we have hope. He is our hope. Thank you for coming along on this journey with our family. It's therapeutic for me to write it all out, and in so doing, I hope God will use it for His glory.

29 responses »

  1. We continue to think of you and pray for you often. Praying for grace and peace in the midst of this difficult transition. We send love and hugs.

  2. Praying for you—for all of you.
    Remember how many and how much people LOVE YOU ALL.
    God is with you-who can be against you

  3. Prayers for peace to surround and console you all as you return home. And extra prayers for simple joy in each day as you remember your sweet Phoebe’s light. She is praying with Jesus to send you her love and courage, along with all of us!

  4. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss and grieve the loss of my most fairest of them all–Phoebe~~~and, while I know that now she is no longer in pain…and is made whole…I can find our Lord’s perfect peace in that promise. My prayers are with you,.Amey, with Nathan, and with your 3 sons as you return home to what will become your “new normal”…and, I feel that you all will find a way to incorporate sweet, most precious Phoebe into each and every day~~~at the end of all your sons’ lessons, maybe just sit, wind down your school day and discuss, “what would sweet, precocious Phoebe have thought about that lesson?” What a perfect way to end each day of study….may God continue to look down on your family…and be gracious unto thee, and instill such great hope for the future into all of you as your bright Phoebe Star shines so brightly down on you~~~

  5. I’m sorry Amey. I know it will be hard for all of you but God will give you amazing strength. I will be praying for you, Nathan & the boys. God bless you with grace & peace. Phoebe will always be with all of you, close & in your hearts.

  6. Dear Amey, you have been on my heart and mind the past several days. Last night, I heard on the radio that Steven Curtis Chapman, in the wake of the death of their daughter and with the comfort he clung to from the knowing that we will be forever united with our loved ones in the Lord for all eternity, was encouraged with these words He felt that God was speaking to him: ‘I want to bring you out of the forest, and your daughter is ahead of you. She’s a greater part of your future than she is of your past. And I’m leading you out, I’m leading you into this new place.’

    Praying for you all!

  7. Yes, it will be difficult. Praying that Jesus has moved into Phoebe’s room while you were gone and you only feel his presence.

  8. God bless you all! I still miss my sons, but they were older, and neither were living with me…. so I don’t know the pain of coming home to their room. I do KNOW that you all are a strong family and a blessed family…and GOD will be with you. He will walk this season just as he has every season wiht all of you! You are all in my thoughts and prayers. WE can all remember some wonderful memories of our loved ones. Try to focus on the happy, healthy Phoebe that is soaring high with the angels and watching down over all of you until in God’s time YOU ALL will be together again forever!

  9. Thinking of you all and still praying for the family and Phoebe as well. I never had the pleasure of meeting her, but I miss her. Looking forward to seeing you all soon when you have settled in from your vacation.

    Lots of love and hugs,

  10. Fair family-I am one, of the many, who have not met you yet we carry you all in our hearts, grieve for dearest Phoebe and are continuous in our prayers for you. I wanted to say thank you, so much, for your graciousness to us all in posting updates as you walk through this hard place. I continue to look every day hoping to know how it is going and what we can be praying for specifically. You are so greatly loved-by our Father, certainly, but by many many more as well. Rest and abide.

  11. Your Family is in Our prayers. May The peace of Our Lord Jesus fall afresh on you all, and an abundance of his mercies and grace, as this new season unfolds.

  12. My heart and prayers are with you all. As a mom I feel your pain…not the real pain but the agony of the thought of dealing with what you are.

  13. Amey,
    It’s great that you, Nathan and the boys got away together for a while, and although coming home will be difficult at times, God’s love will see you through the tough times. We pray for your family always.

  14. I continue to pray for you daily. My thoughts turn to you so often. I hope that your boys are well and that you and Nathan are finding comfort in being together. I’m reminded of Phoebe in daily life as I pick up after my 2-1/2 year old… cheerios, Hello Kitty, scattered shoes. It brings tears daily and I pray for you earnestly, because I know that compared to yours…my grief only touches the surface. Please know that your family is loved, by so many. And that we are lifting you in prayer.

  15. Hoping and praying that you time away was a chance for your family to bond closer together. It will be tough, heading home, but Father is with you and so many are praying for you.

  16. I will be praying. Home is good. It will become your new normal – and you will live through this, with God as your strength. I know because we have been there too. I will be praying.

  17. Oh, such wisdom, and Thank You, God, that y’all had the time and space and resources to do just exactly what you’ve done! I lift the 5 of you in a basket to the Lord for His Lovingkindness to support and bolster you as you go back to your home and start to commence to resume your lives as God has ordered your footsteps. ~grateful you have each other!

  18. I wanted to encourage you that you are not alone in being nervous about going home. We were too! We left town right after Bethany’s graveside service and had time as a family to grieve and laugh together. It is hard going back and trying to pick up life that feels so broken. I will be praying for you all and know if you ever want to talk to another mom that is still very new to having a child in heaven, I would love to :). May God surround your home and hearts with His never fading love and peace!!!

  19. I am glad you took time away to get away even though she was with you in heart and spirit. Healing won’t come quick or easy but I thank God that you have a Christian Faith to get you thru this time. Thought it was so sweet that the boys took turns setting where Phoebe usually sat in the car. They will help you in the healing process. Love you all and Aunt Amy too! Tell her hello, she kept me posted on what was going on with Phoebe even tho she had never met me!
    Great Big Texas Hugs

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