A Glimpse


12 Days before she died. This video is a little bit of what we are missing around here…

About Amey Fair

I am Amey Fair, wife to Nathan, and home-educating Mom to Benjamin (9), Averic (7), Deacon (4) and Phoebe (2) . Phoebe was diagnosed with a rare childhood malignant brain cancer called Atypical Teratoid Rabdoid Tumor on January 1, 2012. She had complete resection surgery to remove the tumor on January 4th and began chemotherapy using the Dana Farber protocol on January 26th. A few weeks ago I was sleeping in the chair next to Phoebe's bed in the hospital when I heard her little voice drawing me out of sleep. It was 3 am and it took me a minute to shake off the slumber. "Mommy I'm a mean girl" I thought she said. "No Phoebe, you're a nice girl!" I replied. "No Mommy, I'm a MIRACLE!" Phoebe said. "I'm a MIRACLE, I'm a MIRACLE, I'm a MIRACLE!" she continued on. My tears welled up and spilled over as she made her declaration. Phoebe doesn't know the word "miracle" nor the concept, she's only 2. It was as if the Lord was speaking through her like a prophetic utterance. She fell right back to sleep and I sat there awake, lingering in the magical moment. Less than 40 children are diagnosed with Phoebe's type of cancer in the U.S. each year. This is why it's called "ATYPICAL Teratoid Rabdoid Tumor". So, I have titled this blog in honor of Phoebe, our "Atypical Miracle". We are YWAM'ers, serving in missions through Youth With A Mission since 1998. Before returning to the states 1 year ago, we lived near Guadalajara Mexico for 3 years. It was during our year of agricultural missions training in Waco, TX that Phoebe began exhibiting symptoms from the pressure of the tumor on her brain. Weight loss, lethargy, extreme thirst and vomiting were her symptoms. We have been granted sabbatical during this time to focus on Phoebe's intensive chemotherapy treatment and are renting a home in Dallas near the Children's hospital where Phoebe is being treated. Like the woman who touched the hem of Jesus' robe in Luke chapter 8, we cling to Him, knowing that He is Phoebe's healer. If we can just touch Him, be near Him, bring Phoebe to Him each day, we have hope. He is our hope. Thank you for coming along on this journey with our family. It's therapeutic for me to write it all out, and in so doing, I hope God will use it for His glory.

46 responses »

  1. Such a beautiful and sweet girl she was. What a huge hole she left in life, not just yours, but in all of humanity. She taught so much in such a short time, I can only imagine what else she would have given to this world. Thanks to you carrying on her memory, there are many that can still benefit from her precious part of this world. ((((HUGS)))) and prayers to you, thank you for sharing this, it is very touching. Videos show a part of a person’s soul that you can’t really “feel” in pictures.

  2. Amey and Nathan,
    I am praying each day foe comfort and peace as you both and the boys continue this journey without Phoebe physically present. I am can’t imagine how you are all feeling today specially after coming back home from a 2 week trip. Must be so hard but easier at the same time for you are all such followers of Christ and your faith in HIM has kept you all strong and moving foward in this journey HE has planned for you both and your family.

    I miss Phoebe so much and all the videos, updates and blogs you sent all of us.
    I wake up and I check my email, your blog for updates. Little things reminds me of Phoebe even visiting a new born baby brings me to tears. And writing a check to St. Judas brings me tears, confusion and even more hope that one day we will find a cure for all children. And that the 10 years I have donated was for a reason and Phoebe showed all of us face to face why. I never imagine that in a period of 8 years I will meet a second child so close to a friend with cancer again. Hurts but I believe in our Father and in our doctors and the research for a cure.
    Please keep us posted, I am Always wondering if you guys are doing well or in need of anything. And please know that we are here for you both and your family, just email us if you guys need anything. Thinking of you both and the boys and praying for healing for all of you.

  3. Love…gentleness…humor…adoration. A beautiful video for a hundred different reasons. Thank you for sharing.
    Love, Suzy. Prayers continue…

  4. Precious, priceless moments! What an inspiration this precious little angel was and continues to be through your sharing. We continue to lift your family to the LORD for that peace that passes all understanding.
    In His Love,

  5. What sweet sorrow. She had Jesus on her mind.
    How did she carry on, in the pain and tiredness? I know, never mind.
    Heaven grows sweeter everyday, just to know we will see our saved loved ones again-
    What a day that will be……

    Thinking of you always and praying for your hurting hearts,

  6. I, too, find myself still checking my inbox for posts from you, Amey, ~ and then something lovely and wonderful, like this video, comes in and I am warmed, saddened, gladdened that Phoebe has been in your (and our) lives and that you continue to share so we, too, can walk with you. Dearest love… His Love!

  7. What a sweetheart! Thank you, Nathan, for letting that precious moment with your loving little girl to be shared. So sorry for what you are missing. Still praying, Linda and Alex

  8. Standing in prayer with you. I cannot imagine the hole that is left in your heart. Lifting you all up for a little peace.

  9. Thank you so much for sharing such a sweet memory. I know God will praise you for being so generous allowing us all to glimpse moments of times gone past. You are incredibly brave and it must be of some comfort to know that Phoebe will be forever waiting for you. I do hope your boys are coping and your Facebook page will forever be a testament for all the love her family gave, and are still giving, her. Something precious to visit time and time again to remember her by. I do hope you have made a copy of it all just in case something terrible ever happens and it is somehow deleted. Not a day goes by without my thinking of you all. God bless.

  10. Jesus, Jesus Ohh those words coming from that sweet little princess!! Nathan I know your heart longs for those little hands on your head, I can’t even imagine! We love you and continue to pray for your family!

  11. Very, very sweet. Precious. Thanks for sharing that priceless moment with us. My heart hurts for you guys. Praying and thinking of you all.

  12. Thank you so much for continuing to share your precious family with us. I love to see the photos and videos of Phoebe. Your generosity is overwhelming. She is beautiful, a true light. While watching (and replaying) this video, and in tears, I was also happy to be in praise as well. Praise to know she is beyond suffering, and in a place where only joy abounds…how perfect for her! Praise that she is in your future (alive, well, and forever)…more powerful than all your memories of her combined. And praise that we have a Savior who keeps his promises. Still holding all of you up in prayer daily.

  13. Amey/Nathan,
    Are the accounts and mail boxes set up via links to this site still valid? Are you still accepting donations and mail? There are many who would like to send things to you and your boys…as well as continue to give toward financial and physical needs that you may have. If you are willing and have the time, could you let us know what your needs are, and some things that your boys would enjoy. Thank you.

  14. Love-filled, tender daddy/daughter moment. . .thank you for sharing it. . .missing her with you. thru tears sending you love and heart prayers.

  15. My thoughts and prayers echo all of the above. Such beautiful and tender words about sweet little Phoebe. Love to all of you!

  16. That is the most precious video. Thank you so much for sharing her with us. She has touched the world. We love you and are praying for you, our family in Jesus. Hugs and prayers always from Va family.

  17. Praying for your family daily and think of Phoebe as she has added to my journey and walk in faith! You are so blessed to have had such a sweet, beautiful girl. She will truly live within in you forever until you meet again! Her voice brings me to tears as you must be missing her big time!

  18. We needed a smile and a chuckle today. I wonder if she is being a snuggle bug with Jesus and rubbing His head like she did with her daddy. Lots of love and prayers.

  19. What a marvelous gift from God. I know how much you loved her and still do, with all the beautiful memories God gave you to keep. Thank you for sharing what love looks like. I loved the fact that she was loving on her daddy as she was singing Jesus’ name. God is not a meanie, He is love, and he acts like the father in this video.

    I will continue to pray for your family as you continue to remember Phoebe and her memories of love. God bless!!

  20. What a beautiful treasured FOREVER video! Grief is so deep because love was so great! How blessed you are to have had such love.. Prayers always for you and your family. ,love from your TN friends. Marilyn

  21. This video is so very innocent, precious, and haunting all at the same time. My heart breaks for you… and with you and your family. I hope you will consider taking your blog and putting Phoebe’s story into a book – you are blessed with a remarkable talent for writing in a way that grabs our hearts just tight enough to make us stand up and take notice, to remind us to be grateful, and to never take our loved ones for granted. Having it in book form, that could be purchased to give to others going through similar struggles, would be such an amazing gift. Another way for your beautiful Phoebe to live on and help others as she smiles down from heaven. I hope you’ll consider it. And I hope with each day your hearts heal a tiny bit more.

  22. Thank you for sharing this beautiful video with us. Phoebe had Jesus on her mind, in her heart, and on her lips. She was singing, snuggling, and comforting her daddy while being cradled and awaited by our Heavenly Father. Absolutely precious! Lifting you up in prayer daily from Breckenridge, Colorado.

  23. Amey,
    Thanks for sharing this precious moment phoebe had with her daddy. It made me cry. I am so sorry for your loss. She is so pretty and affectionate.

  24. There is nothing more pure in life than the love of a child. You are so blessed to have these precious moments to remember as you carry on with living. It is better to have experienced this pure love and lost it. Than to have never known it. It may take a while before you can celebrate this but you will eventually get there in your healing. Thank you so much for sharing.

  25. So beautiful, your little girl is so special and loving, and your memories of her love will live in your hearts forever. She is playing with the Angels now and forever, wrapped in the arms of God. May He send you His comfort and love. God bless you allo.

  26. Ever since you posted this video, it replays in my mind at least 3 times a week, that beautiful baby girl talking to her daddy about snugglebugs, singing for Jesus and rubbing his head, she LIVES in my heart, this little bundle of awesomeness that I never personally touched has touched my heart. Blessings to your family and the ache you have.

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