Miss Phoebe is snoozing away and I am enjoying the peaceful atmosphere of her room here on the HEMOC (Hematology/Oncology) floor. My days of sneaking Starbucks into the room and hiding snacks in every nook and cranny are over. I can finally eat and drink in broad daylight. It’s the little things that make hospital life do-able, and here on HEMOC I have access to an ice machine and a coffee maker and I can order room service and eat in the room. On ICU I always had to leave Phoebe and go eat in the waiting room.
The boys and I had a great day of school and Nathan slept off his hospital hangover while my Mom had Phoebe duty. Phoebe had a great day, and tried to talk more than she has up to this point. As her respiratory therapist was leaving this afternoon. she said “thank you for doing so well Phoebe” and Phoebe said “you’re welcome”. Then she tried to tell her Mammaw “I want..I want” several times. She said all the names of her brothers and asked for Mama when she woke up from her nap. Her speech therapist commented that she could tell Phoebe would be chattering away if she had better lung capacity and that she will do just fine as her lungs clear up. THAT was exciting to hear! It was so wonderful seeing her really interact with us. Her weak little smile lights up the whole room.
Our meeting tonight with Phoebe’s oncologist went very well. I feel like we got so many of our questions answered in a satisfactory way and that we walked away encouraged. We have some things to pray about and I am confident that God will continue to guide us each step of the marathon.
Benjamin had a better day and he opened up last night about how God has been leading him to pray for the family members of those affected by the drug-related violence in Mexico. He said He feels like someday he will go back to Mexico as an adult to live there and minister to them. I was blown away when he told me this. It made me wonder if our dreams for Mexico will be realized through our son. We all miss Mexico and the life and ministry God gave us there. God gave us Phoebe there, and our dog Sadie is also a Mexican import! I pray one day we will live there again.
Life takes some sharp turns, and it has been a wild ride lately. The beauty of all this mess, is that the depths to which we are taken lately, make the normal everyday moments seem like miracles. So tuned in are we to the absolute magic of just living, of just going about the day to day, that time is measured differently in our hearts. Small things are huge, greatly valued. We have more grace with our boys, we verbalize our love and approval of them more frequently, we major on the big stuff and let the small things slide. We have more slumber parties in Mom and Dad’s room, we take bike rides as a family, we are purposeful about our time together. This is the gift that every parent of a child with cancer can attest to. It’s the secret we all know. It’s the beauty from ashes.
Today I have been meditating on this:
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2nd Corinthians 4:16-18
Not losing heart, Amey